Oh, We Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside!

By Mildred on 17/07/2012

SQUEEK – Oh this is the life. A holiday by the sea. Peace, perfect peace. Nothing to do but relax, lots of lovely sun and no one to boss us about. What could possibly disturb this idyllic tranquillity?

 

Yoo hooooo – Mousies, don’t panic, your beloved Fairy is here.

This looks just the spot to li-lo for a while.

 

SQUEAK – Oh well, it was good while it lasted. They do say ‘Life’s a Beach’!

Looks like our holiday just started to get ‘interesting’.

 

What’s all this then? Oh no, no, no. We can’t have itsy bitsy little undersized sand pies cluttering-up the beach now can we?

 

Right, everyone pay attention and everything. There has been far too much slacking going on.

 

And, more importantly, it has come to my notice that the sand pies on this here beach are far too small.

If we are going to win the inaugural Fairy’s Biggest Sand Castle on the Beach competition, there will need to be some changes.

 

SQUEAK – well this one looks plenty big enough to me – I can hardly see over it.

 

SQUEAK – resistance is futile!

When Fairy has a ‘Big Idea”, it’s a lot quicker and certainly an awful lot quieter, just to let her get on with it.

 

Hummmph – very artistic, but we need it to be much, much, MUCH bigger!

 

Goodness, that was quick. Better, but still not quite the ticket.

 

Oh I see the problem here. You can’t reach up any higher.

 

Well luckily for you, Sir Plantagenet Big-Mouse is here to lend his mighty paw.

 

Oh I do hope he gets a move on – it must be nearly snack time.

 

Finished? Brilliant! About time too.

 

It was lucky I had arranged for Sir Plantagenet Big-Mouse and Primrose to show you the way.

And now it’s time for the grand prize giving ceremony.

 

Ahem – it gives one great pleasure to declare ME the winner of the highly prestigious Fairy’s . . .

 

Ooooh – what’s this bit for?

 

Obviously I really do know of course – just checking that you are on the ball young Buster m’lad.

 

Ah yes – clearly, it is a super duper, 5 star luxury extra-cosy beach apartment Sand Castle for entertaining A-List celebrities.

 

You can all carry on doing whatever I might require you to be doing – and be quick about it.

 

I’ll just rest my eyes for a few min . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

SQUEAK – phew, that worked jolly well. Let’s enjoy a bit of peace, while it lasts.

Give us a kiss!

Don’t miss ‘Oh, We Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside, Episode 2‘

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Fairy Springs Into Summer!

By Mildred on 13/05/2012

Greetings my people – and welcome to a lovely sunny spot in the garden where I am sure you will all be eagerly awaiting my latest pontifications. So here goes.

Many of my loyal followers will be familiar with the term ‘Spring Cleaning’. Although more usually applied to what ones Personal Piggy Palace goes through when it gets its annual big clean-up jobbie, this term could also be applied to some of us who enjoy our pampering a little more regularly.

First things first though. To ensure the maximum pampering quotient is achieved, only the very best is good enough. It isn’t good getting all fobbed off with any old shampoo, washing up liquid or such rubbish. Oh no, the very idea.

To save you the bother of wasting valuable salad munching time researching the subject all round the internet and everything, I can tell you here and now there is only ONE shampoo company good enough for me to risk my legendary good looks on – Gorgeous Guineas.

Yes Mummy – I do insist on checking the bottle first.

Hummm, now let me see – ‘Spring into Summer Easi Rinse shampoo‘. Five fold orange oil and lavender. A special edition too! That looks just the ticket.

Now we have that all sorted out, there is just the small matter of the water.

Steady as she goes Mummy – lower away. I just want to dip a toe in to test the temperature.

I said ‘DIP A TOE’ – not ‘DUNK THE PIGGY’!!!!

Actually, talking of toes – don’t forget they need lots of extra special pampering.

Ooooooooh – stop it – that tickles!

I like this bit – all lovely and luxurious. Any chance of a scritch too Mummy?

Awww – can’t I stay in here just a little while longer?

Be very careful not to rub me up the wrong way – Tee Hee!

That got most of the sploshy water off – time for that all important blow dry.

Oooooh, stop it Mummy – your causing such a draft around my, err . . . moving swiftly on.

Gosh all that beautification malarkey takes it out of you. Time for a swift relax.

Oh yes – this is the life. My fur feels even more all soft and silky than usual.

What was that shampoo called, mum? Spring Into Deckchair?! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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Train Your Deckchair!

By Mildred on 23/04/2012

Those of you that read my holiday investigation series a few days ago will know, after careful sizing up the facts and what not, I opted for the Lazy Days Holiday.

Having a little snoop around the internet I found this advert for Training Your Deckchair.

Get me booked in, Mum! And just in case the piggy portions provided are not ample, I’d better take my munch-box along too!

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The Mousies Find Fairyland!

By Mildred on 04/03/2012

The endlessly interesting thing about being surrounded by lots and lots of pesky mousie type babes is – they are very inquisitive critters who are always asking lots of deep and meaningful questions. Mostly concerning cheese it must be said, but occasionally something a little more profound. This morning I was visited by a very earnest young mousie, called Ernest.

Morning Ernest – what’s that? You want to know where Fairyland is? Oh my, this could take some time! Gather all your friends together and we’ll organise a search party.

Now then settle down everywhere and do try to sit still. All your excited whizzing about is making my head go all puffly! Young Ernest here wants to know where Fairyland is and so today we are all going to find out.

First of all, you will need to seek advice and guidence from the Great Piggy from On High – Big Winnie.

Right, you stay here all safe and sound while I, at great personal risk and inconvenience, go and ask Big Winnie the way . . . . . .

Goodness – it does look a very, very long way up there – I might need a little err, help.

Thanks Daddy, now where was I? Oh yes – I call upon you Big Winnie and your boundless insights and wisdom, to help us with our quest.

What was that? We must all be potty??!!!

The Mousies have their first clue and so are quickly scampering off to search diligently among the multitude of fancy pots on Mummy’s kitchen shelves.

Hummm – Fairyland might well be there – but it might also be . . .

Found in a surprise card from a much loved friend. Or . . .

wrapped up tight in your cosiest of dreams.

But this isn’t helping the Mousies now is it – where have they got to I wonder?

The Store Cupboard!

Any signs of Fairyland in here? No? Well perhaps you are looking in the wrong place.

Fairyland must be very, very BIG. It won’t all fit in a cupboard – perhaps you had all better go look for it outside in the wide open spaces of the garden.

I’ll have a quick look in the fridge and check among the contents of the salad drawer while you go see.

SQUEAK – Gosh this looking everywhere is brilliant fun.

SQUEAK – I bet this cave is the entrance to Fairyland – after you!

SQUEAK – Everyone know’s magical things happen inside an egg – so it must be in this nesting-box here!

Humph – nothing!!! Let’s go back inside and pester Auntie Fairy for the answer.

Oh, I see, you searched everywhere, inside and out and still couldn’t find it?

Well my little Quester Mousies – the answer was here all the time!

Fairyland is everywhere!

You just need to believe in magic, share you goodness and love and hey presto – it’s there! Even more importantly – so are you.

And at this precise moment, Fairyland is due to be found in my scritches and a very large snackette. Giddy-up Daddy!

See you soon XXX

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Fairy Gets Resolute!

By Mildred on 29/12/2011

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Fairy’s Christmas Musical Interlude!

By Mildred on 26/12/2011

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Splish-Splash! I’m Having A Bath!

By Mildred on 27/11/2011

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Fairy tries her hand at Inventing!

By Mildred on 09/11/2011

Oh, hello there! I am just having some quality time with my Daddy.
Can you just scritch a bit higher Daddy? Down a bit . . . . up a bit! Oooh! That’s really perfect!
What a lovely, jolly useful Daddy.

What’s that, Daddy? You are going away for a couple of days? Eeeeeeek! WHEN exactly? Oh heck, how inconsiderate. That means I won’t get my full quota of daily back rubs.

Now then Fairy – don’t panic. Let me see . . . time to consult my little book of brilliant inventions. It has all the answers!

Right then, quiet please, I am going to be exceptionally busy in my little workshop.
If you all promise to sit still and keep quiet, you can watch, learn and wonder.
Pay attention now!

I just need to gather some of my trusty tools . . .

They are kept in this jolly useful biscuit tin type contrivance – pity there isn’t a sustaining snack or two in there too. All this inventing is jolly hard work and hungry tum making.

First, you need to draw up lots of green prints, complex plans, detailed drawings of what it is you are going to invent and all complicated things like that. Leonardo De Pigggy got all his very best ideas from me!
Lots of scrunched up balls of paper make it look like you have had loads of very Good Ideas. More good ideas than you could shake an antique measuring type stick at!

Yuk! Get this nasty bit of wood thingy off my head top – everyone knows guinea pigs hate shavings!

Right, just let me consult my inventing book again . . .

Oh yes! Now for the really tricky part . . . for this bit you need some suitable stand-in handy type wotsits – just like these –

They need to be pink, just like Daddy hands. Just a mo, I must perform my handy-stand-in suitability test.
They need to be able to perform perfect pats – just like this. Check!

But what about these pudgy finger ends? Will they pass the highly technical itchy-scritchyness test?

Mummmmmy! Can you put the pesky batteries in so I can get my invention all road tested.

I’m all braced and ready! You can turn them on now please Mummy – soon as you like.

Oh yes! This is all very nice and ‘Rubbery’!

The finger tip action is just the job, giving my shoulders a nice relaxing rub. And yes – this invention does have a proper patent and everything – that’s what makes it so shiny.

I can’t help but think there’s something missing though . . . .

Watch-it! Now they really do look like my real Daddy with time on his hands.

What do you reckon, Mummy? I think my new prototype invention type thingy is just like the real thing – but a lot quieter.

I will miss my real Daddy’s handy scritches . . . but these super duper Fairy flippers will be just the job for a day or two, I suppose.
Now, about my dinner . . .

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Brave Little Fairy!

By Mildred on 31/10/2011

It’s Halloween but don’t worry – there are NO such thing as GHOSTS!

And if there was a GHOST?

Yikes! I’d get in my magic hat . . . with Mr Bear to protect ME!

All this talk of silly ghosties has made me want a cuddle . . . not that I am frightened or anything, you understand.

Mr Bear – are YOU frightened? Silly Billy-Bear!

There’s nothing to be scared of . . .

. . . is there? I think I will just hide . . . I mean SIT here for a bit.
Muuuum!!

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Fairy Asks The Questions!

By Mildred on 25/10/2011

This post also appears on Guinea Pig Today

Fairy: Welcome to ‘Fairy Asks The Big Questions’ and an extra big, piggy-type welcome to my Mummy who has kindly agreed to be interviewed today. Mummy, your life changed on June 11th 2009, can you tell us why?

Mildred: I certainly can! That was the day a small ball of white fur appeared on our lawn! A few short weeks before, me and your Daddy rescued a family of guinea pigs from a horrible home. It soon became clear that before we could find them good homes Brillo, Panda and Maybe were all pregnant, and Ernie or Ted, the other two of the five guineas we rescued that day, were the likely fathers.

It was a beautiful sunny day and the whole piggy family were enjoying the fresh air in their special lawn enclosure. At 10am I looked out the window and there, before my disbelieving eyes, were three extra mini pigs! Brillo had had her babies, Flash, Jiff and YOU – Fairy! I rang your Daddy at work, ‘Come home quick! We have babies’!

Fairy: Yes, yes, yes that’s all very interesting and everything, but I’m sure everyone wants to know more about me and why I am so special.

Mildred: You are indeed a very special little piggy.

When Fairy was brand new, Matilda and Marigold went to great lengths to try and make sure she knew what’s what when they went to play in their very own Playhouse: Where the food bowl was, who sleeps in what bed and the best piggy games to play. But it seemed Fairy wasn’t paying attention, because she always seemed to be in the wrong place. She missed the tastiest food and always ended up snoozing on the least comfortable of beds! For some reason baby Fairy kept bumping into her big sisters and generally getting under their paws. While Marigold didn’t mind this odd piggy behaviour too much (possibly because of her extra thick padding she hardly noticed!), it really upset Matilda. It took a couple of weeks before they, and me and your Daddy, understood exactly what was going on.

You see the reason for your strange behaviour Fairy, was that you were born both totally blind AND deaf. You are what is known as a ‘Lethal White’ Guinea Pig. Fairy has a condition brought about by certain genes present in some breeds of Guinea Pig parents. When those Guineas get together all manner of bad things can occur. ‘Lethals’ can have short, difficult lives suffering major problems with their teeth, skeleton and internal workings. Seeing a baby Lethal struggling to find her mum, hay and food, is an object lesson to us all that we should never allow our Guineas to breed.

We make sure Fairy has the best life possible, with lots of love, understanding and cuddles, and good healthcare. What she lacks physically she more than makes up for in personality. Fairy is very loving and likes nothing more than to snuggle up for a snooze on a comfy lap, dreaming away for hours on end. Or better still, being hand fed choice bite sized morsels in between back scritches. She loves being with her sisters too.

Fairy: Right, enough of all that complicated soppy stuff – time to get to know the real me. Tell the readers about a typical ‘Fairy Day’ and don’t forget to mention ‘snacks’.

Mildred: Well, Fairy, right from the beginning we wanted you to enjoy a full piggy life, doing all the things that ‘seeing and hearing’ Guineas do, although we had to make a few special arrangements to make that possible. For a start it became obvious that you memorised the layout of your living room. So we made sure we didn’t move things around, causing confusion and a bumped nose! To make sure we don’t startle Fairy and cause her to jump out of her fur, we tend to let her know we are there by blowing gently on her when we approach. When it comes to being scooped up, Fairy has trained us to place our hands down so she can step on to be hoisted in to the air.

Fairy: Much nicer than being grabbed round my tickly middle bits! Which reminds me – tell everyone about my special toothy pegs.

Mildred: Okay. Because your front teeth don’t meet properly Fairy, it can make it very difficult for you to pick up your salad; therefore we slice your food up into neat Fairy-bite sized matchstick bits. We found a good dentist too; someone who could trim and file your teeth and ensure they wouldn’t cause you any problems. The dentist trained me. So now we can deal with your naughty teeth whenever they need it.


I am proud to say you have always been the perfect piggy-patient, Fairy!

Fairy: That’s all well and good (and next time I see that Dr Lisa-the-dentist person, I will try and remember to give her a good strong nip for her troubles) but tell the readers what happens when I get up!

Mildred: All our family arise at 6.45am. More often than not Fairy is wide awake, spick and span after her morning wash and brush up – but sometimes she is fast asleep. She takes some shaking to wake her up, and in those early days THAT was a BIG worry! Waking a blind and deaf guinea can mean quite a lot of gentle attentions. After an enormous breakfast Fairy and her adopted sisters, Marigold and Mariella, are transported by basket to their Piggy Playhouse. This heated and air conditioned building in the garden gives them room to play, exercise in the Pignasium, recline on well puffed up cuddle cups and generally ruminate on the meaning of life. Meals are served regularly throughout the day – after elevenses, lunch at midday, and afternoon tea follows at 2pm prompt.


On warm, sunny days the gang spend a couple of hours out on the grass in their secure ‘lawn run’.

Fairy is transported back to the kitchen for a snooze around 3pm with Marigold and Mariella making their way back at 4pm. After their tea the girls enjoy an hour’s floor-time before supper is served! Fairy is escorted to her own bedroom, complete with en suite dining room, at 10pm.

Fairy demands plenty of cuddles throughout the day. Most evenings she can be found snuggled up with her Daddy for some extra special cuddling, chin tickles and ear rubs. Here she is with her best teddy friend, Pasquale Bear –


Fairy: Thank you Mummy, but I’m not sure you mentioned my ‘Fairy Stories’ featuring all my furry friends enough! Maybe my new Guinea Pig Today best friends would like to read some of them for themselves.

Mildred: Well Fairy, we will have to see about that! I think the readers may have had quite enough ‘Fairy’ for one day! And besides, it is time to get a certain little lady tucked up in her bed!

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Fairy In The Kitchen!

By Mildred on 18/10/2011

I am back! I went for a jolly long flight but I am here, safe and sound, on terra firma – well, actually I am perched atop a Quince at this exact moment –

Hey, Mum! What are we doing with these Quincey type fruits then?

Oh well, I did ask. Looks like my salad, all sliced up properly!

We made chutney – lots of chutney!

Now then, what shall we make next? A treat for mummy and daddy, for making lots of lovely salads for me!

Are the cakes ready yet? Hurry!

I am a salad-pig myself but even I could be tempted by these sticky fingers!

We’ve had a smashing day, busy in the kitchen, but it must be MY teatime now.

That’s it! I am fed and watered and now it is time to settle down to my favourite radio programme – Desert Island Salads!

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Taking Stock!

By Mildred on 16/08/2011

Some of you lucky people who follow my antics on the super-duper Guinea Lynx Forum will recall the recent excitement when I held a little competition to guess how many beds, cosies, hideys and houses and things I had acquired.

Here’s how it all came about.

Gather round, make yourselves comfy as I announce the winner of the Grand – Fairy Gives Away A Treasured Possession – Competition.

The judges have conferred, double checked, rubbed their eyes and started all over again – but at long last a proper, verified, official conclusion has been reached. I am happy to substantiate the result with genuine Photoshop free, photographic evidence proving conclusively what a truly well be-bedded, some would say thoroughly spoiled, (although I would argue that there is definitely room for extra spoilings) piggy I am, Iam.

In between weekend showers I sought out all the beds and things I could put my little fluffy paws on. After arranging them in a logical sequence on the lawn, I set out to record them with clip boards and special, complicated adding up type machines.

After feeding all the data into a specially commissioned bed-data-base the results are ready for your perusal – and I am delighted to announce – We have a WINNER!

Before I go any further though I will be happy to take you through the truly complicated procedure – we even had an Auditor/Daddy type person to ensure fair play and everything.

Zroooom. Right – lets get this competition on the lawn – time to get counting!

Yes! You can get off that rotund bottom and come and help too, Mariella.

1, 13, 7, 41, ssh – I’m COUNTING!

16, 3, 37, 49 . . . have you counted THAT one, Mariella?

45 . . . has anyone seen Marigold?

478 . . . is she hiding in there? Oh! Mariella! You made me loose count. Never mind . . . I’ll just carry on where I might have left off.

68, 72, 77, 108 . . . and that one makes 110!

Yes, that little one counts too.

Oh crikey . . . look at this little lot . . . 123, 125, 142, 156 . . . come on, Mariella, keep UP!

It’s no good, there isn’t time for a rest.

Look at all these spots, my poor brain . . . 158, 166, 168, 169, 188. Err, I might have counted one twice, so let’s say 190.

193, 195, 199 . . . big breath . . .

300!

Time for a rest . . . phew! I need a snack!

She is NOT giving MY bed away, Mariella. Let’s sit fast and try not to get involved – it must be time for some nibbles soon.

Nearly there now . . . 301, 423 . . .

This must be nearly the last one . . . 566 . . . probably.

Yep! All done! Did you manage to add them all up?

Just checking . . . psst where’s Daddy with the answer?
(Oh and this is YOUR last chance to guess how many before I reveal the total!)

Trumpet fanfare and all that sort of thing!

WELL DONE EVERYONE!

If it was up to me I would send ALL my friends a bed – especially the close guesses – Pennie (47) and Buffy (45) I personally think you should have a consolation prize. Well done, Snickers and Ouiser (42 and 43), Clover and Pixie (44 and 49) and Bella (48) and I thought your guess was good Patrick and Pebbles (249), I am going to make that my aim!

I know you will all be busy counting them up in the photo – and you’ll get 45! BUT . . . that little white fluffy pad is a bit hidden behind another bed! It WAS there on the day . . . so it IS 46! How did YOU do?

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