Righty ho. This looks like the perfect spot to show off my horticultural expertise. Just need to get all my equipment spread out. These little plastic pots are just the ticket!
Now then, you two can be my Posse. Pay close attention, look photogenic and don’t forget to make me look good. Don’t say too much either because you might get it all wrong. Just stay put in your bags – I like the stripes, they are rather fetching aren’t they?!
Try not to make so much rustling noise Marigold – goodness me, I can’t hear myself think.
Opening music, lights, camera and . . . ACTION!
Oh! Am I on? What, now!!!
Hello, good evening and welcome to ‘Fairy Grows Grass’, starring me and my very bestest friends, who have to appear for contractual reasons but don’t actually do very much in the way of creative input or indeed, any of the actual hard work.
Before we get down to the growing stuff, a couple of honourable mentions:
I am deeply indebted to Gorgeous Guineas who very kindly supplied us with sample packets of seeds for testing purposes, and to our great friends at Planet Guinea. They have insisted on supplying us with even more seeds on a regular basis. This means we will be doing lots of testing and I will be doing even more nibbling. I have, of course, readily agreed to waive my usual charges – anything for lots of slap up feeds!
Now – it’s on with the show!
Lets have a nice close-up showing my best smile and everything.
What you must do to get the grass stuff growing is, take a good sized saucer and fill with best quality compost. Get Mummy or Daddy to do this because it can be a bit messy and you wouldn’t want to get your paws all dirty now would you? Anyway, it’s all in a day’s work to them and a bit too much like hard work for me.
Right, use this handy rake thingy to spread the seeds thinly over the compost. Is this right Mummy?
Hummph – this is definitely getting a bit too much like hard work – soon be time for a commercial snack break.
Actually, I think this saucer thing needs a lot more seeds to make it worth all the effort. It’s a good job we have plenty in stock.
Pile them in, that’s it Marigold, they’ll be as right as ninepence! Yum, that’s more like it!
Add a drop of water and that is all there is to it. It’s easy peasy!
Remember to smile sweetly at the camera again.
Well, that wasn’t too hard now was it Mariella?
What you do next is sit back and watch as the seeds germinate and grow into lunch before your very eyes.
Does my nose look big through this?
Keep a close eye on them and . . . here comes lunch . . . keep watching . . . any second now . . .
Err – Not much seems to be happening just yet. And Mariella has nodded off!
No, nothing. Hummph, not even a weed! Come on seeds, don’t shilly-shally!
Mummy, Mummy come quick. There appears to be a slight major technical hitch.
Can we stop the camera while I consult with Mummy please?
Hummph, I know patience can be a virtue for some people – but there are limits!
I’ve been waiting lots and lots of ages and I am getting VERY hungry.
Okay, right, I see. It seems we may need to give them a little bit longer before they actually do something.
What’s that Daddy, ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’?
Very profound I am sure. But what exactly ‘Rome’ has got to do with my grass seeds, I do not know!
It must be getting late, yawn – soon be bedtime. Yawn. I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Mummy, is it okay if we sleep out tonight to guard the grass things? We don’t want to miss any of the action.
Marigold and Mariella can snooze in their sleeping bags.
MARIELLA, can you keep those snoring type noises down a bit please?
Night, night my people.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z z z z
Wow – look what happened overnight! Yippee! Time for our breakfast!
Yum yum, nom, nom, burp! sorry pardon, nom . . . perfect.
This grass growing business really is Magic! And I did it all by myself – ‘Just like that’!
Don’t forget, you can buy your very own packets of special scrummy seeds direct from Planet Guinea.
By following my detailed instructionals programme above, you are sure to grow your very own tray of fresh, scrumptious grass, in no time at all! Well, maybe not quite as quick as mine – for that you would need my added ‘Fairy Magic’!
I hope you enjoy growing (and munching) it just as much as we all do here!