Many of my loyal followers will be familiar with the term ‘Spring Cleaning’. Although more usually applied to what ones Personal Piggy Palace goes through when it gets its annual big clean-up jobbie, this term could also be applied to some of us who enjoy our pampering a little more regularly.

First things first though. To ensure the maximum pampering quotient is achieved, only the very best is good enough. It isn’t good getting all fobbed off with any old shampoo, washing up liquid or such rubbish. Oh no, the very idea.

To save you the bother of wasting valuable salad munching time researching the subject all round the internet and everything, I can tell you here and now there is only ONE shampoo company good enough for me to risk my legendary good looks on – Gorgeous Guineas.

Yes Mummy – I do insist on checking the bottle first.

Hummm, now let me see – ‘Spring into Summer Easi Rinse shampoo‘. Five fold orange oil and lavender. A special edition too! That looks just the ticket.

Now we have that all sorted out, there is just the small matter of the water.

Steady as she goes Mummy – lower away. I just want to dip a toe in to test the temperature.

I said ‘DIP A TOE’ – not ‘DUNK THE PIGGY’!!!!

Actually, talking of toes – don’t forget they need lots of extra special pampering.

Ooooooooh – stop it – that tickles!

I like this bit – all lovely and luxurious. Any chance of a scritch too Mummy?

Awww – can’t I stay in here just a little while longer?

Be very careful not to rub me up the wrong way – Tee Hee!

That got most of the sploshy water off – time for that all important blow dry.

Oooooh, stop it Mummy – your causing such a draft around my, err . . . moving swiftly on.

Gosh all that beautification malarkey takes it out of you. Time for a swift relax.

Oh yes – this is the life. My fur feels even more all soft and silky than usual.

What was that shampoo called, mum? Spring Into Deckchair?! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Right then. What’s all this Deckchair malarkey all about then?

Oh I see – it’s very complicated and potentially hazardous to health and takes a very special piggy to master – just the job then!

All the basics are contained in this slim little pamphlet.

Lets see. Err it would appear to be a little more ‘challenging’ than I first suspected!

Oooooo Mr-r Be-e-e-a-r. I only suggested that although it was very simple and straight forward for me to comprehend and everything, it was clearly going to be way beyond Daddy. He is now insisting that I ‘stand aside and let the professionals show us how it’s done’.

This may take some time!

Excuse me Mr Bear. Does it usually take this long? He’s been juggling with those planks of wood things for ages.

I’m sure it looked exactly like that half an hour ago.

Calm down Daddy – I was only offering you a helping paw.

In my expert opinion, I think putting your fingers there might result in ‘complications’.

Don’t say a word Mr Bear – leave all the ‘I told you so’s’ to me.

Now where are those bandages?

Luckily I recently attended Mr Bear’s ‘What to do when someone interferes and traps their silly fingers in a folding chair’ Course, last week!

Right then – enough messing about. It’s time for Fairy to take charge.

Ahhh – I see your problem Squire. What cowboy did this job for you? It’s going to cost a bit to put right. Three sugars please.

And if I am not mistaken, with a little twist of the wrist . . .

Perfect!

Gosh, this is extra comfy – well done me!

Oh yes – another certificate for my wall.

MR BEAR –  Err Fairy – excuse me, I know these Deckchairs make extra cosy resting places, but it really is time to go home now!

Having a little snoop around the internet I found this advert for Training Your Deckchair.

Get me booked in, Mum! And just in case the piggy portions provided are not ample, I’d better take my munch-box along too!

Why can’t it be MY Birthday? What’s that? I can share YOUR Birthday?

Well, that’s just the pigs-knees! Thanks, Marigold! I can stop pretending to sulk now.

Come on, Mr Bear, let’s get this party swinging.

Nice flowers, Fairy, thank you.

La . . . la (a bit higher) and laaaa. I am just warming up, Marigold . . . .

Happy Birthday to yooooou, Happy Birthday to yooooooooou!

Happy Birthday dear Marigold, we all love you too!

A fine singing voice even if I say so myself.

You can have your present now. I found this on PigBay. Look, it’s a very old copy of Super Salads written by Great, Great and Really Great Auntie Mildred.

Oh, thank you, sweet Fairy. You are the best sister a piggy could ever wish for (errr . . . has anyone noticed Fairy is all smudged with grass stains? It must be her special ‘party make-up’.)

Mwah-mwah!

Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Right then, enough of all this singing  . . . . Mum, Dad! You can bring on the snackettes NOW?

Nom nom nom, by jove, this really IS a Super Salad.

This really IS the best 4th Birthday ever!

It appears to be my very own Piglet-sized Mum and Dad lolling about on the beach with the infamous Great, Great Auntie Mavis pawed with her bucket and spade.

Looks like fun!

It reminds me it’s time yours truly (that’s ME) should decide where to take my yearly sabbatical.

Coincidentally, a great dollop of Holiday Magazines just happened to plop through my post box this very morning!

It’s enough to give you a headache sorting through this little lot.

Copter-Carriers, Cavy-Camp, The Fairy-Ferry, Boat Trips with On Board Salads, MWA – Pigs Might Fly!

What a lot of choices!

DAD?! Jolly well get over here and give me a hand, can you? A nice, scrtichy hand, please.

Oh-HO! I am tempted by the apres ski salad, and that super-speedy-ski-pig looks just like our Marigold. They must be very strong skis!

It’s all very well but won’t I get lost in all that snow, being so white and snowflaky myself?

Besides all that, I fancy something a bit sunnier.

No, no, no . . . that Ski-Wheek is no good at all!

Cavy-Camp! It’s got the sun, sea and sand, but what’s all this PICK YOUR OWN nonsense? When I am on my hols I expect to be waited on paw and foot (just like being at home then).

What does it say, ‘with free creche for your humans’? No thank you, my humans won’t be accompanying me, cramping my style and probably getting in the way. NO! No good!

Now then, Salad Patch Tours looks promising.

The Pig-Bus with Comfort Assured – well, that little piggy on the brochure looks very comforted I must say.

It’s all very well, but it’s only got ONE TITCHY STAR.

No! It isn’t any good either!

Hold your piggies a pop-corning minute, what’s this one?

Lazy Ways Holidays . . . this could be just the thing.

It says here that Mices Come FREE, Dad!

What do you reckon?

And look here, there’s FREE deckchair hire too.

Well, you really can’t go wrong, can you?

Book us in for a wheek!

My eyesight might not be all that spot on . . . but isn’t that a . . .

SQUIRREL getting into MY BED?

I am NOT telling tales, honestly.

You needn’t look at ME like that. And you can stop shaking your bushy tail at me, Mr Squirrel.

I am not sitting for this – an interloper in MY garden.

Hum . . . I think I have a plan.

That’s it, Mr Furry-Features, just sit still while I . . .

Take aim . . . and . . . where’s he gone?

Ha! That scared him right off!

Just call me Fairy-The-Brave from now on, if you don’t mind.

Psst! Don’t worry, my cannon wasn’t even loaded!

It won’t have egg-scaped your notice that Easter is upon us and my world famous egg-stravagent generosity towards Mousie type beasties knows no bounds. Here I am delivering  their soufflé doop-fflé Easter Eggs. How egg-citing for them!

Whoooooops – I just performed a wheelie! Quick scramble out of the way everyone – I shelled-out a fortune on these.

I don’t know my own egg-straordinary strength sometimes.

Better check that they won’t be getting Easter Omelettes instead this year.  1, 2, 3, 7, 12, 8 . . .

67, 102! What eggs-emplorary counting. Phew, all okay.

Ha ha Mousies, I bet I had you all worried there with my deliberate practical yolk!

Tee Hee – I always manage to keep my sunny-side up.

Must be time for a Daddy coddle soon!

Happy Easter-time one and all!

Funnily enough, I have spotted the odd couple of strange ears on the horizon lately.

Marigold, have you spotted any stranger than usual going on type things in the ‘strange ears on the horizon’ department recently?

No? Oh well, never mind. Nice hat by the way.

Humm – now what can this ropey looking appliance be? Sorry to string you along, but it’s time for my daily stroll on the lawn.

Oh goody – there looks to be a tasty treat trap – fine grass and tomatoes – my favourite.

And a jolly useful piece of rope too. I wonder what’s on the other end.

Oh, it’s just a couple of strange ears on the horizon, with a couple of mousie types attached.

SQUEAK-SQUEAK – Howdy, darn tooting pardner!

I’m Roger Roy and this is my Lass, Sue. I work in the Wild West Bank as The Lone Arranger.

Marigold! I told you a couple of strangers just drifted in to town.

Looks like we may need to call on the services of General Custard – we are surrounded by red skins!

Yes I know that was a bit wheek, but I couldn’t resist it! And now . . . back to the story . . .

Okay you two no good, low down hombres – go for your Bun.

Waddah ya mean – which one is ‘Ugly’?!

Now then my little Amigo’s, what is this Wild West malarkey all about?

I like the dressing-up bit – very ME, don’t you think?

Oh, it’s a Lasso is it? I knew that.

Would you like to see my Clint Eastwood impression, Sue?

When a Piggy with a Tasty leaf, meets a Mousie with a Lasso – the Piggy with the Tasty Leaf is me. Or anyway, something equally profound, oblique and suitably tough sounding.

I like the sitting around the campfire telling stories about how great darn tootin’ I am too.

Errr Muuum!

Enough of this sitting around – it’s time to round-up that thar posse and go rustle up some salad.

Adios, folks!

Morning Ernest – what’s that? You want to know where Fairyland is? Oh my, this could take some time! Gather all your friends together and we’ll organise a search party.

Now then settle down everywhere and do try to sit still. All your excited whizzing about is making my head go all puffly! Young Ernest here wants to know where Fairyland is and so today we are all going to find out.

First of all, you will need to seek advice and guidence from the Great Piggy from On High – Big Winnie.

Right, you stay here all safe and sound while I, at great personal risk and inconvenience, go and ask Big Winnie the way . . . . . .

Goodness – it does look a very, very long way up there – I might need a little err, help.

Thanks Daddy, now where was I? Oh yes – I call upon you Big Winnie and your boundless insights and wisdom, to help us with our quest.

What was that? We must all be potty??!!!

The Mousies have their first clue and so are quickly scampering off to search diligently among the multitude of fancy pots on Mummy’s kitchen shelves.

Hummm – Fairyland might well be there – but it might also be . . .

Found in a surprise card from a much loved friend. Or . . .

wrapped up tight in your cosiest of dreams.

But this isn’t helping the Mousies now is it – where have they got to I wonder?

The Store Cupboard!

Any signs of Fairyland in here? No? Well perhaps you are looking in the wrong place.

Fairyland must be very, very BIG. It won’t all fit in a cupboard – perhaps you had all better go look for it outside in the wide open spaces of the garden.

I’ll have a quick look in the fridge and check among the contents of the salad drawer while you go see.

SQUEAK – Gosh this looking everywhere is brilliant fun.

SQUEAK – I bet this cave is the entrance to Fairyland – after you!

SQUEAK – Everyone know’s magical things happen inside an egg – so it must be in this nesting-box here!

Humph – nothing!!! Let’s go back inside and pester Auntie Fairy for the answer.

Oh, I see, you searched everywhere, inside and out and still couldn’t find it?

Well my little Quester Mousies – the answer was here all the time!

Fairyland is everywhere!

You just need to believe in magic, share you goodness and love and hey presto – it’s there! Even more importantly – so are you.

And at this precise moment, Fairyland is due to be found in my scritches and a very large snackette. Giddy-up Daddy!

See you soon XXX

Hello my adoring fans and other people. I’m glad you could join me on this historic day in Fairy’s Fruitery. We have been selected by a very important group of Magical Marmalade big-wigs to be visited by an even more important celebrity type someone for possible inclusion in a world famous Marmalade Guide or Brownie or something equally grand. Oh joy!

I had better start rehearsing my welcome speech.

Ahem . . . you must be highly honoured for me to deign to accept this stupendous award . . .

What was that? I haven’t been awarded anything yet? Ooooops! Maybe we ought to get properly prepared for the inspection and all that.

Right, Mr Foreman Bear. I want you to try and keep your pesky mousie type helpers under control. I run a tight ship here and everyone has to look as if they know what’s what. Oh, and there’s no need to keep testing the Whisky Marmalade is there?

What was that noise?????

Ooooooh, errrr, I think the very important celebrity superstar type inspector has arrived.

Nervous? Me? Don’t be silly, I am performing a welcoming tap-dance with my knees.

Oh my ears and whiskers, it’s only that marvellous marmalade munching miracle – Mr Paddington, all the way from deepest, darkest Appleby!

Oh do come in your highness, take off your boots and make your self at home.

Please feel free to start your inspection whenever you want to. Oh, you have started already have you?

Squeak Squeek – Oh for goodness sake you two, come on stop messing about – stand up straight!

Squeak Squeak – One day I want to be big enough to fill Paddington’s shoes!

Oh the un-bearable tension! I don’t care for all this deliberating malarkey.

Oh my – I think he must have finished – he’s coming over ( and about time too – I’m feeling distinctly peckish!)

Oh thank goodness – not only have we been accepted into the special book type thingy – I have been awarded Three Spare Tyre Awards!

Well done everyone – Three cheers for Fairy!
Hip, hip, hooray!

And if that wasn’t honour enough – Fairy’s Magical Marmalade has received the highest accolade of preserve making achievement ever -

Paddington’s own ‘Official Seal of Approval’!

Very nice I’m sure – but not quite as good as Mummy’s special salad snacks. Bye now Paddington – off you go – I’m not sure this blog has room for two such inter galactic super egos. Anyway all that chest fur reminds me it’s almost time for my Daddy cuddle!