Monthly Archives: April 2012

Fairy – And The Noble Craft Of The Deckchair

Good morning my people. I had a dream last night that Summer is finally on it’s way. Time to prepare myself for the beach! I am all signed-up for a very special course Mr Bear is running on how to do something complicated with a folding chair. Sounds a bit barmy to me – but if you don’t go to these events . . .

 

Right then. What’s all this Deckchair malarkey all about then?

 

Oh I see – it’s very complicated and potentially hazardous to health and takes a very special piggy to master – just the job then!

 

All the basics are contained in this slim little pamphlet.

Lets see. Err it would appear to be a little more ‘challenging’ than I first suspected!

 

Oooooo Mr-r Be-e-e-a-r. I only suggested that although it was very simple and straight forward for me to comprehend and everything, it was clearly going to be way beyond Daddy. He is now insisting that I ‘stand aside and let the professionals show us how it’s done’.

This may take some time!

 

Excuse me Mr Bear. Does it usually take this long? He’s been juggling with those planks of wood things for ages.

 

I’m sure it looked exactly like that half an hour ago.

 

Calm down Daddy – I was only offering you a helping paw.

 

In my expert opinion, I think putting your fingers there might result in ‘complications’.

 

Don’t say a word Mr Bear – leave all the ‘I told you so’s’ to me.

Now where are those bandages?

 

Luckily I recently attended Mr Bear’s ‘What to do when someone interferes and traps their silly fingers in a folding chair’ Course, last week!

 

Right then – enough messing about. It’s time for Fairy to take charge.

 

Ahhh – I see your problem Squire. What cowboy did this job for you? It’s going to cost a bit to put right. Three sugars please.

 

And if I am not mistaken, with a little twist of the wrist . . .

 

Perfect!

 

Gosh, this is extra comfy – well done me!

 

Oh yes – another certificate for my wall.

 

MR BEAR –  Err Fairy – excuse me, I know these Deckchairs make extra cosy resting places, but it really is time to go home now!

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Train Your Deckchair!

Those of you that read my holiday investigation series a few days ago will know, after careful sizing up the facts and what not, I opted for the Lazy Days Holiday.

Having a little snoop around the internet I found this advert for Training Your Deckchair.

Get me booked in, Mum! And just in case the piggy portions provided are not ample, I’d better take my munch-box along too!

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Happy 4th Birthday, Marigold!

But Marigold, it MIGHT be MY Birthday. When they were handing out the Birthday-dates, maybe they gave you MY Birthday so that must mean that this Birthday that is yours is actually, more than likely in fact, mine.

Why can’t it be MY Birthday? What’s that? I can share YOUR Birthday?

Well, that’s just the pigs-knees! Thanks, Marigold! I can stop pretending to sulk now.

Come on, Mr Bear, let’s get this party swinging.

Nice flowers, Fairy, thank you.

La . . . la (a bit higher) and laaaa. I am just warming up, Marigold . . . .

Happy Birthday to yooooou, Happy Birthday to yooooooooou!

Happy Birthday dear Marigold, we all love you too!

A fine singing voice even if I say so myself.

You can have your present now. I found this on PigBay. Look, it’s a very old copy of Super Salads written by Great, Great and Really Great Auntie Mildred.

Oh, thank you, sweet Fairy. You are the best sister a piggy could ever wish for (errr . . . has anyone noticed Fairy is all smudged with grass stains? It must be her special ‘party make-up’.)

Mwah-mwah!

Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Right then, enough of all this singing  . . . . Mum, Dad! You can bring on the snackettes NOW?

Nom nom nom, by jove, this really IS a Super Salad.

This really IS the best 4th Birthday ever!

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Fairy Plans Her Hols!

Well, what do we have here then?

It appears to be my very own Piglet-sized Mum and Dad lolling about on the beach with the infamous Great, Great Auntie Mavis pawed with her bucket and spade.

Looks like fun!

It reminds me it’s time yours truly (that’s ME) should decide where to take my yearly sabbatical.

Coincidentally, a great dollop of Holiday Magazines just happened to plop through my post box this very morning!

It’s enough to give you a headache sorting through this little lot.

Copter-Carriers, Cavy-Camp, The Fairy-Ferry, Boat Trips with On Board Salads, MWA – Pigs Might Fly!

What a lot of choices!

DAD?! Jolly well get over here and give me a hand, can you? A nice, scrtichy hand, please.

Oh-HO! I am tempted by the apres ski salad, and that super-speedy-ski-pig looks just like our Marigold. They must be very strong skis!

It’s all very well but won’t I get lost in all that snow, being so white and snowflaky myself?

Besides all that, I fancy something a bit sunnier.

No, no, no . . . that Ski-Wheek is no good at all!

Cavy-Camp! It’s got the sun, sea and sand, but what’s all this PICK YOUR OWN nonsense? When I am on my hols I expect to be waited on paw and foot (just like being at home then).

What does it say, ‘with free creche for your humans’? No thank you, my humans won’t be accompanying me, cramping my style and probably getting in the way. NO! No good!

Now then, Salad Patch Tours looks promising.

The Pig-Bus with Comfort Assured – well, that little piggy on the brochure looks very comforted I must say.

It’s all very well, but it’s only got ONE TITCHY STAR.

No! It isn’t any good either!

Hold your piggies a pop-corning minute, what’s this one?

Lazy Ways Holidays . . . this could be just the thing.

It says here that Mices Come FREE, Dad!

What do you reckon?

And look here, there’s FREE deckchair hire too.

Well, you really can’t go wrong, can you?

Book us in for a wheek!

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There’s A Squirrel IN MY BED!

Hello, hello and hello thrice!

My eyesight might not be all that spot on . . . but isn’t that a . . .

 

SQUIRREL getting into MY BED?

 

I am NOT telling tales, honestly.

 

You needn’t look at ME like that. And you can stop shaking your bushy tail at me, Mr Squirrel.

 

I am not sitting for this – an interloper in MY garden.

Hum . . . I think I have a plan.

 

That’s it, Mr Furry-Features, just sit still while I . . .

 

Take aim . . . and . . . where’s he gone?

 

 

Ha! That scared him right off!

 

Just call me Fairy-The-Brave from now on, if you don’t mind.

Psst! Don’t worry, my cannon wasn’t even loaded!

 

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