Monthly Archives: November 2011

Fairy: Hay Tossing Champion!

Hello Fairy-Followers, Friends and fans!
If it is a while since you last deigned to pay a visit then you really need to read my previous missive – Fairy Tries Her Hand At Inventing, it would appear that it has got me noticed by a certain whiskery personage!

I have an admirer! Yes, yes I know what you are going to say, ‘You have a LOT of admirers, Fairy’!
Well, I KNOW that, but my new admirer is a, a, a BOY piggy! Goes by the name of Yum Yum. What kind of name is THAT, I ask you?

His latest antics, all designed to try and attract little ol’ me, The Great Hay Toss of 2011, really do take the biscuit!

Humph – everyone knows I am the undisputed World Champion Hay Tossing ExtraordaFairy. Of all time. For ever. So there!

Daddy says it is good to share (don’t think he means food or cuddle cups or anything of that nature), so I am going to share my Hay Tossing secrets. Come with me as I guide you through the arcane process. Don’t forget to marvel at my inestimable skills and flawless technique.

First gather your hay, making sure to wear a bit of it on your ear flap.
Approach the hay-heap with trepidation – you don’t want to scare it off before you start, now do you?

Burrow your head into aforementioned hay.
HANDY TIP – you are unlikely to have much time to EAT while tossing, so now’s the time to have a sneaky nibble or three.

Now, take a big, deep breath and . . . shake . . .

. . . and TOSS! Note my wonderfully toned neck muscles.

There! What perfection – better give up YUM YUM and try your hand at butt waggling instead!

Time for a leisurely lap of honour. I’ll take you through it one more time.
You need to burrow your head into the hay . . .
oh, hold on a minute while I have my snack-break!
I may be a while . . .

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Fairy tries her hand at Inventing!

Oh, hello there! I am just having some quality time with my Daddy.
Can you just scritch a bit higher Daddy? Down a bit . . . . up a bit! Oooh! That’s really perfect!
What a lovely, jolly useful Daddy.

What’s that, Daddy? You are going away for a couple of days? Eeeeeeek! WHEN exactly? Oh heck, how inconsiderate. That means I won’t get my full quota of daily back rubs.

Now then Fairy – don’t panic. Let me see . . . time to consult my little book of brilliant inventions. It has all the answers!

Right then, quiet please, I am going to be exceptionally busy in my little workshop.
If you all promise to sit still and keep quiet, you can watch, learn and wonder.
Pay attention now!

I just need to gather some of my trusty tools . . .

They are kept in this jolly useful biscuit tin type contrivance – pity there isn’t a sustaining snack or two in there too. All this inventing is jolly hard work and hungry tum making.

First, you need to draw up lots of green prints, complex plans, detailed drawings of what it is you are going to invent and all complicated things like that. Leonardo De Pigggy got all his very best ideas from me!
Lots of scrunched up balls of paper make it look like you have had loads of very Good Ideas. More good ideas than you could shake an antique measuring type stick at!

Yuk! Get this nasty bit of wood thingy off my head top – everyone knows guinea pigs hate shavings!

Right, just let me consult my inventing book again . . .

Oh yes! Now for the really tricky part . . . for this bit you need some suitable stand-in handy type wotsits – just like these –

They need to be pink, just like Daddy hands. Just a mo, I must perform my handy-stand-in suitability test.
They need to be able to perform perfect pats – just like this. Check!

But what about these pudgy finger ends? Will they pass the highly technical itchy-scritchyness test?

Mummmmmy! Can you put the pesky batteries in so I can get my invention all road tested.

I’m all braced and ready! You can turn them on now please Mummy – soon as you like.

Oh yes! This is all very nice and ‘Rubbery’!

The finger tip action is just the job, giving my shoulders a nice relaxing rub. And yes – this invention does have a proper patent and everything – that’s what makes it so shiny.

I can’t help but think there’s something missing though . . . .

Watch-it! Now they really do look like my real Daddy with time on his hands.

What do you reckon, Mummy? I think my new prototype invention type thingy is just like the real thing – but a lot quieter.

I will miss my real Daddy’s handy scritches . . . but these super duper Fairy flippers will be just the job for a day or two, I suppose.
Now, about my dinner . . .

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