Righty ho. This looks like the perfect spot to show off my horticultural expertise. Just need to get all my equipment spread out. These little plastic pots are just the ticket!
Now then, you two can be my Posse. Pay close attention, look photogenic and don’t forget to make me look good. Don’t say too much either because you might get it all wrong. Just stay put in your bags – I like the stripes, they are rather fetching aren’t they?!
Try not to make so much rustling noise Marigold – goodness me, I can’t hear myself think.
Opening music, lights, camera and . . . ACTION!
Oh! Am I on? What, now!!!
Hello, good evening and welcome to ‘Fairy Grows Grass’, starring me and my very bestest friends, who have to appear for contractual reasons but don’t actually do very much in the way of creative input or indeed, any of the actual hard work.
Before we get down to the growing stuff, a couple of honourable mentions:
I am deeply indebted to Gorgeous Guineas who very kindly supplied us with sample packets of seeds for testing purposes, and to our great friends at Planet Guinea. They have insisted on supplying us with even more seeds on a regular basis. This means we will be doing lots of testing and I will be doing even more nibbling. I have, of course, readily agreed to waive my usual charges – anything for lots of slap up feeds!
Now – it’s on with the show!
Lets have a nice close-up showing my best smile and everything.
What you must do to get the grass stuff growing is, take a good sized saucer and fill with best quality compost. Get Mummy or Daddy to do this because it can be a bit messy and you wouldn’t want to get your paws all dirty now would you? Anyway, it’s all in a day’s work to them and a bit too much like hard work for me.
Right, use this handy rake thingy to spread the seeds thinly over the compost. Is this right Mummy?
Hummph – this is definitely getting a bit too much like hard work – soon be time for a commercial snack break.
Actually, I think this saucer thing needs a lot more seeds to make it worth all the effort. It’s a good job we have plenty in stock.
Pile them in, that’s it Marigold, they’ll be as right as ninepence! Yum, that’s more like it!
Add a drop of water and that is all there is to it. It’s easy peasy!
Remember to smile sweetly at the camera again.
Well, that wasn’t too hard now was it Mariella?
What you do next is sit back and watch as the seeds germinate and grow into lunch before your very eyes.
Does my nose look big through this?
Keep a close eye on them and . . . here comes lunch . . . keep watching . . . any second now . . .
Err – Not much seems to be happening just yet. And Mariella has nodded off!
No, nothing. Hummph, not even a weed! Come on seeds, don’t shilly-shally!
Mummy, Mummy come quick. There appears to be a slight major technical hitch.
Can we stop the camera while I consult with Mummy please?
Hummph, I know patience can be a virtue for some people – but there are limits!
I’ve been waiting lots and lots of ages and I am getting VERY hungry.
Okay, right, I see. It seems we may need to give them a little bit longer before they actually do something.
What’s that Daddy, ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’?
Very profound I am sure. But what exactly ‘Rome’ has got to do with my grass seeds, I do not know!
It must be getting late, yawn – soon be bedtime. Yawn. I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Mummy, is it okay if we sleep out tonight to guard the grass things? We don’t want to miss any of the action.
Marigold and Mariella can snooze in their sleeping bags.
MARIELLA, can you keep those snoring type noises down a bit please?
Night, night my people.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z z z z
Wow – look what happened overnight! Yippee! Time for our breakfast!
Yum yum, nom, nom, burp! sorry pardon, nom . . . perfect.
This grass growing business really is Magic! And I did it all by myself – ‘Just like that’!
Don’t forget, you can buy your very own packets of special scrummy seeds direct from Planet Guinea.
By following my detailed instructionals programme above, you are sure to grow your very own tray of fresh, scrumptious grass, in no time at all! Well, maybe not quite as quick as mine – for that you would need my added ‘Fairy Magic’!
I hope you enjoy growing (and munching) it just as much as we all do here!
This is hilarious! What a wonderful post, Fairy:)
You really are such a clever little piggy!
again i love it,me and the gang are in the kitchen its has been bath day 4 the boys not something they like, got peed on twice thank u very much barney and alfie! but then we saw this post and thought it was great, oscar keeps sniffin my laptop and rupert just runs away from it? strange boy,always great thank u davexx
I think my favorite part is the magnifying glass.
This is great, i love the nose through the looking glass too. Fairy is so sweet and clever, and the other 2 girls were good too. I really love this story, thanxs.
Pure classic, very educational and I just love the magnifying glass comment.I had to laugh. I think you surpassed yourself this time Mildred.
Wow! Thanks, Wendi! Praise indeed! It was one of my favourite episodes, what with Marigold and Mariella in their bags – behaving for once, and Fairy with her expressions, and picking up the little pots AND the magnifying glass . . . and the bonus of a ‘ready meal’ at the end! What more could a guinea ask for?
Thanks everyone
oh Fairy, you are a little star!
Mildred, you channel Fairy so well. Your pictures and text are hilarious.
I like how she dreams of green grass then parties with a Fez cap.
Thanks, ffleur! I couldn’t recall the name of the little hat – a Fez!! Wonderful! I love reading your comments
Thank you for the lovely story Fairy and all your hard work
Glad you like your Bags of Fun too 
Looking forward to seeing more grass growing…
Brilliant, I loved this! It’s so funny. You’re so talented Mildred you really brighten up my day! Thank you xxx
Thanks, Karen, the grass growing is going very well – the girls love their fresh grass tray! It grows really well
Thanks, Alimouse! Fairy brightens our day too – as do your comments . . . we love to read them!