Dear The Manager, The Grow-It-Yourself-Grass Company,
It is Fairy here again. I recently had the privilege of sampling a tray of your delicious grass, and very good it was too. However, before I could even enjoy it for a second time, my so called loving sisters managed to sneak in and gobble up every last bit, right down to the soil. Unbelievable!
I was wondering if there was anything I could do to hasten its re growth. I have run my mower over it, watered it, placed it in the sun and I am STILL waiting. I waited almost at least an hour. Do you think it might be faulty? To be on the safe side, please despatch more seeds without delay.
Yours, most hungrily, Fairy.
PS If you need a Quality Control Manager type Guinea Pig to test future batches of Grow-It-Yourself-Grass then please do not hesitate to contact me. I think I may be able to find some time in my busy schedule to fit you in. Being somewhat of a worldwide expert in the salad and vegetable consumption industry, you can rely on my growing and tasting skills to provide you with an esteemed evaluation of your products.
PPS Mummy knows lots of people on the internet thing so that is worth some extra seeds too.
PPPS Please hurry up, I am starving!!!
I hope you are well and as Gorgeous as ever. I am sorry to say that I have a serious problem and require your immediate assistance.
As I am sure you will recall, you kindly sent me a sachet of Grow-It-Yourself-Grass for my Birthday. Mummy and Daddy kindly planted it for me, and very enjoyable it eventually turned out to be! So enjoyable in fact, I now find it impossible to go back to snacking on boring old normal grass.
So what is the problem I hear you cry? The problem is, Marigold and Mariella got their teeth into it – they have gobbled it all up and I am having to be a patient piggy, forced to wait while it re grows – it seems to be taking ages. I keep checking it every hour or two and it doesn’t seem to have grown very much at all.
Anyway, please don’t worry, I think I have the perfect solution! The simplest thing would be for you to send me lots more seeds. Three packs please, one each for Marigold and Mariella so they can grow their own, plus a bumper packet for me. I can then have some growing while I eat the crop that has already grown. Better make it 4 packets to be on the safe side.
Yours, Fairy x
PS I am sure Daddy will be happy to pay for it, because he says I am a ‘Proper Little Madam’. Which is definitely a compliment.