Dear The Manager, The Grow-It-Yourself-Grass Company,
It is Fairy here again. I recently had the privilege of sampling a tray of your delicious grass, and very good it was too. However, before I could even enjoy it for a second time, my so called loving sisters managed to sneak in and gobble up every last bit, right down to the soil. Unbelievable!
I was wondering if there was anything I could do to hasten its re growth. I have run my mower over it, watered it, placed it in the sun and I am STILL waiting. I waited almost at least an hour. Do you think it might be faulty? To be on the safe side, please despatch more seeds without delay.
Yours, most hungrily, Fairy.
PS If you need a Quality Control Manager type Guinea Pig to test future batches of Grow-It-Yourself-Grass then please do not hesitate to contact me. I think I may be able to find some time in my busy schedule to fit you in. Being somewhat of a worldwide expert in the salad and vegetable consumption industry, you can rely on my growing and tasting skills to provide you with an esteemed evaluation of your products.
PPS Mummy knows lots of people on the internet thing so that is worth some extra seeds too.
PPPS Please hurry up, I am starving!!!
I hope you are well and as Gorgeous as ever. I am sorry to say that I have a serious problem and require your immediate assistance.
As I am sure you will recall, you kindly sent me a sachet of Grow-It-Yourself-Grass for my Birthday. Mummy and Daddy kindly planted it for me, and very enjoyable it eventually turned out to be! So enjoyable in fact, I now find it impossible to go back to snacking on boring old normal grass.
So what is the problem I hear you cry? The problem is, Marigold and Mariella got their teeth into it – they have gobbled it all up and I am having to be a patient piggy, forced to wait while it re grows – it seems to be taking ages. I keep checking it every hour or two and it doesn’t seem to have grown very much at all.
Anyway, please don’t worry, I think I have the perfect solution! The simplest thing would be for you to send me lots more seeds. Three packs please, one each for Marigold and Mariella so they can grow their own, plus a bumper packet for me. I can then have some growing while I eat the crop that has already grown. Better make it 4 packets to be on the safe side.
Yours, Fairy x
PS I am sure Daddy will be happy to pay for it, because he says I am a ‘Proper Little Madam’. Which is definitely a compliment.
Fairy is a most polite and determined letter-writer. I love how she makes her point about waiting “almost an hour” and how “Daddy will be happy to pay”. The Fairy-sized mower and gardening tools are so adorable. She definitely is a Proper Little Madam. So lovable.
Is she really turning her bubble-gum pink nose up at regular grass now?
Mildred: your pictures and text are wonderful. I really enjoy them so much!
No wonder we all love Fairy. What a star. As usual she made me smile at the end of a very sad day. I lost my beautiful Hickory overnight,he was never a very robust boy but lived to the grand age of around 5.5-6 yearsdespite his illnesses. Fairy is just the tonic I needed, she always raises a smile.
Thank you for your message – we always appreciate feedback from our “little customers”!
I will send an emergency parcel out to you today with some more seeds…BUT…you will need to be patient as they take 10 days to grow before you can eat them. In the meantime, you can amuse yourself with the Bags Of Fun:)
Hugs, Chrissie x
I read your letter out to Fairy, Chrissie. She is very pleased indeed and has her gardening gloves, seed trays and paraphernalia at the ready! Between you and me, Fairy was driving me mad with her ‘when will it grow?’ and ‘how much longer do I have to wait?’ questions! Thanks so much 🙂
Dear Fairy, apologies for the delay in replying and thank you to Chrissie of GG for pointing out your plight. Our product testers here have nominated the Lovely Lily to deal with your very unfortunate situation- A Guinea in need is something we will make our business!
Myself and Lily would like to make you one of our continuity staff, this would mean receiving, growing and eating our grasses regularly to ensure they meet the required standard.
Our little customers get their Humans to plant 25g of seed daily per guinea pig and in ten days time you will have grass daily providing you are strict with your Human…
Each packet of seeds comes with a free Bag of Fun (what’s your favourite colour?) to stuff with hay for you to munch with your daily meal of grass.
Our shop is very nearly finished now, just some techy stuff to do :/
Let me know if this arrangement suits and I will get some seed in the post to you… Karen and Lily x
Hmmmm…it would seem that Fairy has everyone wrapped around her little paw:) She says “jump”, we say “how high”!
Hello Karen! Well! Fairy is very excited at the prospect of being a real ‘guinea pig’! How she will contain herself I do not know! She has quite a hectic wheek so maybe we should limit her workload to just a small bag (shhh, don’t tell her I said this)! Fairy is fond of pink but the red and white bags are lovely too! We are recommending your grass to anyone who will listen and already loads of people have said they want some – do you post abroad by the way? I expect all the details will appear on your shop any day soon – all good wishes with it!
Hi Chrissie, you are right! She keeps us on our toes 🙂