Monthly Archives: July 2010

Fairy Grows Grass – On An Industrial Scale!

That grass growing experiment we did recently went very well. The only problem being that there wasn’t quite enough to grow round, so to speak. Actually, there might well have been if Mariella had been put on a strict diet. I know, I was the only one who thought she should be on one! Anyway, we have decided that the only logical solution is to step-up grass growing production dramatically. The other day we took delivery of of some extra large bulk packs of seeds in readiness!

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Here we are at The Grass Growing Manufactory and it’s action stations, all paws on deck, and other urgent sounding phrases!

As you can see, the first batch has germinated and is looking to be in fine fettle.

Daddy says that, according to the directions, the grass has to grow to 150 ‘something’s’ before it is ready. Humph – I don’t think I can be quite 150 something’s, but I certainly am ready!

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Here we are at the first measuring event.

Lower away . . . steady . . . to me a bit . . . to you . . . hold it there . . .

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Now let me see – it says ‘3’. Crikey, that’s another ‘147’ to go!!!!! This is going to take ages.

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Daddy, are you sure that measuring device thingy hasn’t stretched?

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Oh well, suppose we had better wait a bit longer – it doesn’t say anything in the directions about not being allowed a crafty sample munch or two though!

Perhaps it is time for a little bit of Fairy Magic, to help speed things along a little.

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Here it is, sprinkled with my Magical Fairy Drops – they will certainly help to get it growing quickly!

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Ha – they worked a treat! Looks to me like at least 200 something’s – lets get measuring.

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Wow – 150 munches exactly! Looks like Daddy even managed to get the measuring thingy planted properly too.

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Err, does anybody know where the exit is?

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If somebody doesn’t give me a hand in a moment, I will have to eat my way out!

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Now then everybody – stand aside, it is time to welcome the honoured guest (me) to the Grand Grass Opening Ceremony.

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Ladies and Gentleman, Piggies and . . . err, other Piggies – Taaa-raaa-raa-raaa, I hereby declare this Tray of Grass . . officially . . . wait for it Marigold . . . OPEN!

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Okay then, you can start to tuck-in now.

Oi! Don’t bite off more than you can chew, Mariella – there’s plenty for everyone!

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Thanks Fairy, nom, nom, nom, burp oops pardon! This might keep us going until teatime.

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Well that was jolly good while it lasted – which wasn’t quite as long as I would have wished.

Marigold and Mariella had better start working lots of overtime to ensure I have a regular crop!

You’d think everyone would have cottoned on to this ‘Grow-It-Yourself-Grass’ malarkey – it’s the bees knees! Or should that be the piggies whiskers?!

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Many thanks to Gorgeous Guineas and Planet Guinea for supplying more seeds for advanced testing – they were just the ticket!

Grow-It-Yourself-Grass Seeds are available to buy in the UK from Planet Guinea (contact Karen at Guinea Pig Welfare if you are unable to order online). Similar yummy grass products may be found locally worldwide. If you can recommend a reliable source, please let me know and we will be happy to add a link right here on Fairy’s Blog.

Fairy Grows Grass! FREE Online Tutorial.

Righty ho. This looks like the perfect spot to show off my horticultural expertise. Just need to get all my equipment spread out. These little plastic pots are just the ticket!

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Now then, you two can be my Posse. Pay close attention, look photogenic and don’t forget to make me look good. Don’t say too much either because you might get it all wrong. Just stay put in your bags – I like the stripes, they are rather fetching aren’t they?!

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Try not to make so much rustling noise Marigold – goodness me, I can’t hear myself think.

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Opening music, lights, camera and . . . ACTION!

Oh! Am I on? What, now!!!

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Hello, good evening and welcome to ‘Fairy Grows Grass’, starring me and my very bestest friends, who have to appear for contractual reasons but don’t actually do very much in the way of creative input or indeed, any of the actual hard work.

Before we get down to the growing stuff, a couple of honourable mentions:

I am deeply indebted to Gorgeous Guineas who very kindly supplied us with sample packets of seeds for testing purposes, and to our great friends at Planet Guinea. They have insisted on supplying us with even more seeds on a regular basis. This means we will be doing lots of testing and I will be doing even more nibbling. I have, of course, readily agreed to waive my usual charges – anything for lots of slap up feeds!

Now – it’s on with the show!

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Lets have a nice close-up showing my best smile and everything.

What you must do to get the grass stuff growing is, take a good sized saucer and fill with best quality compost. Get Mummy or Daddy to do this because it can be a bit messy and you wouldn’t want to get your paws all dirty now would you? Anyway, it’s all in a day’s work to them and a bit too much like hard work for me.

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Right, use this handy rake thingy to spread the seeds thinly over the compost. Is this right Mummy?

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Hummph – this is definitely getting a bit too much like hard work – soon be time for a commercial snack break.

Actually, I think this saucer thing needs a lot more seeds to make it worth all the effort. It’s a good job we have plenty in stock.

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Pile them in, that’s it Marigold, they’ll be as right as ninepence! Yum, that’s more like it!

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Add a drop of water and that is all there is to it. It’s easy peasy!

Remember to smile sweetly at the camera again.

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Well, that wasn’t too hard now was it Mariella?

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What you do next is sit back and watch as the seeds germinate and grow into lunch before your very eyes.

Does my nose look big through this?

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Keep a close eye on them and . . . here comes lunch . . . keep watching . . . any second now . . .

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Err – Not much seems to be happening just yet. And Mariella has nodded off!

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No, nothing. Hummph, not even a weed! Come on seeds, don’t shilly-shally!

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Mummy, Mummy come quick. There appears to be a slight major technical hitch.

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Can we stop the camera while I consult with Mummy please?

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Hummph, I know patience can be a virtue for some people – but there are limits!

I’ve been waiting lots and lots of ages and I am getting VERY hungry.

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Okay, right, I see. It seems we may need to give them a little bit longer before they actually do something.

What’s that Daddy, ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’?

Very profound I am sure. But what exactly ‘Rome’ has got to do with my grass seeds, I do not know!

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It must be getting late, yawn – soon be bedtime. Yawn. I can hardly keep my eyes open.

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Mummy, is it okay if we sleep out tonight to guard the grass things? We don’t want to miss any of the action.

Marigold and Mariella can snooze in their sleeping bags.

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MARIELLA, can you keep those snoring type noises down a bit please?

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Night, night my people.

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Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z z z z

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Wow – look what happened overnight! Yippee! Time for our breakfast!

Yum yum, nom, nom, burp! sorry pardon, nom . . . perfect.

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This grass growing business really is Magic! And I did it all by myself – ‘Just like that’!

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Don’t forget, you can buy your very own packets of special scrummy seeds direct from Planet Guinea.

By following my detailed instructionals programme above, you are sure to grow your very own tray of fresh, scrumptious grass, in no time at all! Well, maybe not quite as quick as mine – for that you would need my added ‘Fairy Magic’!

I hope you enjoy growing (and munching) it just as much as we all do here!

Three Pigs In A Home!

Hello my people. I am often asked by someone, what is the ideal number of piggy’s in a household? Well, we were given a present of this super-dooper, attractive sign thing by my piggy-daddy, Ernie, the other day. And, by jingo, it’s just the job for helping me to answer that very important question.

Take a quick gander at my present – what do you reckon then?

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In my opinion, which is well known for always being right, THREE piggies per home is the optimum quantity!

When it comes to that all important subject of food, for example, a large helping of salad can be easily spit up into three fair share piggy portions of a half each – biggest half for me, and then half each of what’s left over for the other two piggies. There is a very useful tried a trusted formula you can use. I’ll share it with you here:

Let food = T, Piggies = 3 and Home = 1

Then, Portion = (T/3 + 1)(Fairy x lots)/(T – 1/2) = mine

Or something like that anyway. It’s probably too complicated for you to grasp.

Moving swiftly on. Come on now, you two, time for a quick group photo. Look at the camera thingy and say ‘grass’!

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He he! That went very well! What do you reckon Mariella? Oh! Are you feeling a bit tired?? Well, just rest your chins there a while and maybe it would be best if you didn’t eat anything at all for an hour or two – get your strength up for supper later on.
Keep you fur on Marigold – you can have a go up here in a minute, while I go get my tea!

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The Grass Is Always Greener . . .

C’mon you two, we’re moving lawns! Look, the grass is greener over yonder!

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Pack your cuddle cups and snoozing bags, and bring plenty of nourishing snacks for the journey.

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We’d better get topped up, Marigold, Fairy usually knows what she is munching about

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. . . nom, nom, nom. I don’t know why we have to move, Mariella. The grass is very tasty here.

You’re right, Marigold, nom, nom, nom, but Fairy says the grass will be even tastier on the other side of the lawn.

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This last grass snack is top notch.

If it isn’t up to scratch when we get there, I am coming straight back!

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The lettuce isn’t to be sneezed at either – unlike the sneezy pollen!

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Watch out Marigold, mind your fury nose. We don’t want to run you over.

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Right! We’re off! Toot-toot!

Are we nearly there yet? I’m feeling peckish.

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We’re there! That didn’t take long. Time to disembark. Watch out below – here I come

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Well, the lawn over here is rather nice Marigold . . . but I’m not quite sure – it looks so big and scary. I hope we will fit in ok!

Let’s go check it out Mariella. After all, there isn’t room under here for us both! Be brave now!

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Well it might not always be greener, but the grass is always just as tasty, on the other side of the lawn.

It’s time to get down to some serious lawn mowing – which remind me, where are my special Grow-It-Yourself-Grass seeds?

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To Whom It May Concern!

Dear The Manager, The Grow-It-Yourself-Grass Company,

It is Fairy here again. I recently had the privilege of sampling a tray of your delicious grass, and very good it was too. However, before I could even enjoy it for a second time, my so called loving sisters managed to sneak in and gobble up every last bit, right down to the soil. Unbelievable!

I was wondering if there was anything I could do to hasten its re growth. I have run my mower over it, watered it, placed it in the sun and I am STILL waiting. I waited almost at least an hour. Do you think it might be faulty? To be on the safe side, please despatch more seeds without delay.

Yours, most hungrily, Fairy.

PS If you need a Quality Control Manager type Guinea Pig to test future batches of Grow-It-Yourself-Grass then please do not hesitate to contact me. I think I may be able to find some time in my busy schedule to fit you in. Being somewhat of a worldwide expert in the salad and vegetable consumption industry, you can rely on my growing and tasting skills to provide you with an esteemed evaluation of your products.

PPS Mummy knows lots of people on the internet thing so that is worth some extra seeds too.

PPPS Please hurry up, I am starving!!!

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Dear Chrissie,

I hope you are well and as Gorgeous as ever. I am sorry to say that I have a serious problem and require your immediate assistance.

As I am sure you will recall, you kindly sent me a sachet of Grow-It-Yourself-Grass for my Birthday. Mummy and Daddy kindly planted it for me, and very enjoyable it eventually turned out to be! So enjoyable in fact, I now find it impossible to go back to snacking on boring old normal grass.

So what is the problem I hear you cry? The problem is, Marigold and Mariella got their teeth into it – they have gobbled it all up and I am having to be a patient piggy, forced to wait while it re grows – it seems to be taking ages. I keep checking it every hour or two and it doesn’t seem to have grown very much at all.

Anyway, please don’t worry, I think I have the perfect solution! The simplest thing would be for you to send me lots more seeds. Three packs please, one each for Marigold and Mariella so they can grow their own, plus a bumper packet for me. I can then have some growing while I eat the crop that has already grown. Better make it 4 packets to be on the safe side.

Yours, Fairy x

PS I am sure Daddy will be happy to pay for it, because he says I am a ‘Proper Little Madam’. Which is definitely a compliment.

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